Posts Tagged ‘Pirates’

Syphilis detecting handshake used by sailors

// April 16th, 2010 // Comments Off on Syphilis detecting handshake used by sailors // Just for Fun, Science at Home, Uncategorized

Back in the days before antibiotics, syphilis was a dreadful problem encountered on occasion by hapless sailors on shore leave bewitched by young maidens.

Fortunately they could use their super-secret special handshake to detect syphilis. A demonstration is below, feel free to use it when dating.

Amazing! And you can sneak it in when dancing if you miss your opportunity for the greeting handshake. Thanks to Mr. Science Show, the man in the video for the hat tip.

Christmas bits to get you in the spirit

// December 23rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Jibber Jabber

Christmas is a rough time of year. The shopping, the cooking, the stress of it all is a giant pain in the ass. In fact, that one day pretty much ruins December for you, because you spend the entire month planning, worrying, and having the same conversation “I can’t believe Christmas is so soon!” “I know, the years are getting shorter and shorter” seriously like 50 billion times.

Over it yet?

Don’t be a wimp. Grab your hat and sword and swashbuckle your way through the last minute jitters with the Captain! (At this point I should warn you the science in this post will be minimal.)

Problem 1: Shopping is expensive and it’s been a hard year for treasure
It’s not too late to spend your last $10 on flour, egg, butter and ginger and make some kick ass gingerbread men or sweet ass cookies for everyone. Failing that, I’m sure you’ve got a bunch of stuff around the house that you could wrap!

Problem 2: You can’t find the right present. Anywhere. And you’re having trouble breathing
Well, clearly this means that you’re not a good person and no one will ever love you. Or you could get real – people forget about Christmas by February so it doesn’t really matter anyway. If you’re worried your partner will dump your shoddy-present-buying ass (I’m saying that a lot in this post), well you’re better off without them and their materialism. You’ll find a much better match (and for Pete’s sake, buy them a decent present next time!)

Problem 3: Okay, I can afford to buy loot, but the lines are longer than a hermit’s beard
A hearty ARRR and a large hat may remind the people ahead that they have other places to be. If that doesn’t work, just stand still like society’s bitch and ride it out. Think of the waves… you’re on a boat far away from everyone…

Problem 4: You have to cook dinner and it’s not going according to plan
Shops run out of the good groceries, that’s a fact. I can attest to this by the utter lack of rocket, I got the last rockmelon (suckers!), but strawberries were $5 a punnet. Whatever, I’m not paying that on principle! Next year stock up in advance, or go shopping at 6 in the morning (the lines are better then too!) In the meantime – be creative. Use plenty of spices to hide the low quality of your food, and make sure people are drunk enough not to care. Honestly, at Christmas everyone is just glad THEY didn’t have to do the cooking.

Problem 5: You’re doing the run-around this Christmas when you really just want to stay put and get sloshed
Instead of getting drunk, aim for a sugar high this festive season. You won’t blow the limit, you’ll be safe to drive, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the buzz! Stock up on those free cookies and candy and relive the sugar-rush days of your youth. Stop eating sugar until Christmas Day to maximize the fun. A Schooner of Science is not liable for any health problems arising from this advice.

Problem 6: You don’t like your family, bunch o’ landlubbers
Remember, Christmas comes but once a year.

Problem 7: It’s a stupid holiday and it didn’t really happen 2000 years ago anyway
Get off your high horse and get into the spirit! Sure, some of the facts seem a little sketchy, but you don’t need to have faith to have a good time. Wow your friends and family by brushing up on parthenogenesis – the virgin birth. It’s known to happen in certain species of fish, reptiles (including Komodo dragons) and invertebrates, and once it has happened in (genetically modified) mice. Neato!

If you’re a member of another faith with a similar-to-christmas holiday – don’t fret, these solutions are nonspecific to religion. With all your problems solved (they have all been solved, right? If there’s something still niggling at you, post a comment) get out there and enjoy the holiday season. Cheers to ye!

On a Boat!

// December 9th, 2009 // Comments Off on On a Boat! // Jibber Jabber, Just for Fun

Tonight I’m going to a Christmas function.

On a boat.

A recipe for eggnog, and notes on the spice-drug nutmeg

// November 30th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Drugs, Just for Fun, Science at Home


Arr, it be that time of the year when all the good cabin boys hang their stockings off the mainsail and cook gets busy making eggnog.

My harbour is in Australia, so eggnog is not a favourite of mine. The rich, milkiness of the drink is ill-suited for the hot Yuletides we experience, and a glass of ice-cold fermented grape is better suited for the clime.

All the same, eggnog is TRADITION, and is a particularly piratey tradition when you make it with RUM! Here be a recipe for the delicious December drink, made piratey by your Captain but sourced from yon landlubber website.

6 eggs (parrot)
2.5 cups whipping cream
2 cups whole milk (powdered variety easiest for storage)
1 cup caster sugar
0.5 cup dark rum
0.5 cup brandy (substitute with more rum if you can)
0.5 teaspoon vanilla extract
0.5 teaspoon nutmeg, freshly grated

Beat the eggs until frothy (the eggs, not your mouth), add sugar and beat, sprinkle in nutmeg and vanilla and beat, add in the whipped cream slowly while beating, add the grog and beat. Chill for an hour belowdecks and serve cold to your shipmates.

Beating is the best way to mix ingredients as it lets out your inner anger and anguish which otherwise may turn rancid and make you bitter inside. If Ahab had made eggnog during his voyage on the Pequod it is likely that the events leading to his death would never have occurred, and he would be living to this day a happy one-legged individual. Beating also gives you most excellent biceps that will strike fear into the hearts of your enemies.

Ye may notice a certain buzz upon drinking your concoction, which ye may blame on the rum (you DID add extra rum, right? Don’t stop at a measly half a cup.) Well ye are most likely right, but all the same, did ye know nutmeg can be a drug? That’s right, melange is not the only spice-drug. Nutmeg be a creepy looking thing, a seed wrapped tightly by bright red tentacles of another spice called mace.

Nutmeg and Mace

Nutmeg is in certain doses hallucinogenic. The effects, by all accounts, are not enjoyable. You see, nutmeg contains myristicin, which is a weak monoamine oxidase inhibitor – you may be familiar with that term as a class of antidepressant. In high doses (of a couple of tablespoons) nutmeg can cause hallucinations and euphoria, but before you go reaching for that spice rack let me tell you of the side-effects, including nausea, bloodshot eyes, dry mouth, anxiety, convulsions and palpitations. Plus it kicks in after three hours (making it a likely candidate for a this-isn’t-working-try-more overdose) and lasts for about five hours. Plus the bragging rights are non-existent. “Oh dude, I did like two tablespoons of nutmeg this weekend!” HARDCORE!

All things considered, I’ll be sticking to my rum-filled eggnog, and adding spice-drug just for flavour. This one’s to yer health.

Bad Ass Images of Animals Dressed as Pirates

// November 16th, 2009 // Comments Off on Bad Ass Images of Animals Dressed as Pirates // Just for Fun

I’m having a FREAK OUT day today. So much to do! Time’s running out! BAH!!!

To distract myself from life, I give you these pictures of pirate animals. As far as I’m concerned, Sexy Man should be devoting all his time to making awesome pictures like these (a bit of time updating my site to be more sexy would be okay too.)

And so I present unto you – animals dressed as pirates.

Pirate Cat
I can has treasure?

Mouse Pirate
Check out that tattoo – so CUTE!

You can see them all here. Click through and chill out.

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